The Forgotten Dialect:
Our Body Language

Part 19: Life Changes Finale

Quick Guide to Intense Emotions

1. Stop What Your Doing. Attend to the emotion, not the situation. Put down your work, walk away from your kids briefly, pull over the car or turn off the computer! Stop whatever you are doing that triggered the emotion. Go use the bathroom or shut the door to your room. If you cannot remove yourself from the situation, then proceed to step #2 now and step #3 when you have a break in your day.

2. Forgive and Forget. Make a mental effort to let go the event that triggered the emotion, no matter how much a person or situation is to blame. We are learning to separate our thoughts from our emotions. This is action time. We need to perform to the best of our abilities. Remember this emotion is an activation of our emotional baggage. This experience bothers us only because it reminds us of an undigested past event. Most thoughts or actions that come to mind during an intense emotion are reactive. They support an attitude that “something is wrong” and acting on them only aggravates things. It is time to set a new example for our unconscious mind, so that in the future we can reap the rewards. Persistence is key. This won't be easy and it will have to be repeated frequently. Yet, every effort put forth will be rewarded.

3. Attend to the Emotion. Kindly feeling our emotions is how we digest our emotions. The more intensity we are capable of holding in our awareness without reacting (with our thoughts, words and actions), the more baggage we are digesting. At some point we may even be able to feel our body relax while simultaneously experiencing an intense emotion. For some of us feeling emotions may come natural. For others this may be difficult. For those that are numb, it may be helpful to ask some questions, preferably with your eyes closed, to help bring up the feeling:

* What am I feeling right now? If naming the emotion helps bring the feeling to the surface, than name it, but then focus on the feeling that surfaces and let go of the analyzing.

* Where am I feeling this in my body right now? Ask the question, then observe your physical body for the answer.

* If all else fails, remind yourself of the situation that triggered the emotion. That will usually bring up the feeling. As soon as you have your “mental finger” on that feeling, then let go of the situation. The goal is to keep that feeling in the forefront of your awareness until it is has subsided on its own.

4. Let Go of the Mind Chatter Again. After forgiving and forgetting, if your doing a good job of attending to your emotion, you are likely to re-experience a lot of thoughts blaming the situation. Don't believe these thoughts. Your unconscious mind has been trained for years to react this way. Do your best to redirect your attention to the feeling and your physical body. Focusing on your inhalation and exhalation can be an excellent neutral anchor that keeps you physically present. Repeat the 15 minute breathing activity described earlier in this paper. Developing the will power to gently but firmly separate your mind chatter from your emotions takes time and effort. This is why a methodical program like “The Presence Process” or “Unlearn Your Pain” is really necessary for longterm results. But I can assure you, every effort invested will be rewarded in your future.