The Forgotten Dialect:
Our Body Language

Part 13: Mindbody Psychology Cycles

The Vicious Inner Cycle

Vicious Inner Cycle

How can we disable this vicious cycle? Clearly the most important part that we have immediate control over is our distraction behaviors. But the only time that we can change our behaviors is the moment we “catch ourselves in the act”. These “acts” occur because we attempt to avoid uncomfortable emotions. So the only way to catch ourselves is by becoming more acceptant and conscious of our emotions. To do this we must learn to connect and digest instead of stuffing and distracting. Connecting requires that we think differently about experiences. We start to recognize most of our discomforts in life as they really are... an echo of past painful experience. Because it is so easy to shut the door on our emotional state, to open the door requires a total change in our attitude about what emotions mean. Is it possible that emotions in and of themselves have no added significance other than just being another layer in the wholeness of what life is? Could it be that learning to accept and embrace the emotional turmoil, that is our birth inheritance, is the doorway through which we can experience genuine peace? Can we make room in our daily lives for our emotions to fit in? Connecting to the intense discomfort contained in our emotional baggage requires that we be willing to consider these new ideas about emotions. Are we ready to change the way we think... about the way we feel?

Digesting our emotions requires that we act differently about the way we feel. This is much more challenging. This is the same as having an itch and not scratching it. We watch this itch to see what happens when it is allowed to ripen and subside on its own. Through curiously and kindly feeling our emotions we come to personally realize that they depart on their own and leave us with a deep genuine sense of peace. We won't have to keep ourselves sedated or busy to feel better, because we will naturally experience the calms between the inevitable storms of our lives. But digesting our emotions maybe the most difficult work we enter into in our lives. We turn down a short term fix of temporarily feeling better and instead stop and focus our attention on our felt state. We allow this feeling to belong in our lives when every bone in our body tells us this is not right and wants us to spring into busyness. Digesting emotions is not something we “do”, it is something that happens all on its own when we stop trying to “do” something about our emotions. We cannot open the gates of our dam, the gates open automatically when we learn to resist closing them in the face of turbulence.

Although it's tough, the benefits of “connecting and digesting” our emotions are long lasting. If we employ this technique without exception, slowly but surely our unconscious mind is fed a new message. In fact, our distorted perspectives cannot survive unless our behaviors continually validate them. We invalidate them by choosing to tune into our emotions and by making nourishing life choices. Disabling the vicious inner cycle by digesting our emotions is much like changing the direction of a transatlantic ship. Even though we can only make tiny changes in course, over time with each emotion we “connect and digest”, we find these small changes translate into a vastly different destination. The win-lose mentality that we have learned to act on is eroded by the new healthy example we live by. This win-win mentality provides a safer environment in which we can allow our emotions to flow. The quality of our life experiences improve to reflect this change. We find that emotional freedom is not being free from experiencing emotions. Emotional freedom is knowing that we have the strength to peacefully experience all emotions.

The degree to which our perspectives improve is exactly equal to the effort that we invest in “connecting and digesting” our emotions. This will manifest in different ways for different people. We may no longer find ourselves driven into destructive, non-nourishing behaviors. As we gain the capability to sit with our emotions, we may finally be able to truly enjoy free time, regardless of the circumstances. We may notice easy ways to simplify our lives. We may find ourselves drawn to nourishing behaviors. As our emotional state comes into balance, we will still have the storms of our lives. We may still experience physical and mental discomfort in our lives. But we will be able to navigate through that discomfort and those storms in a much more nourishing manner. The physical discomfort will surface less often as we become more capable of digesting our tension emotionally. The mental discomfort will become less believable as experience tells us differently. Even if we are physically limited in our lives due to a permanent illness, we may find that our ability to cope with that illness improves. Although life is full of ups and downs, we will be more capable of navigating the whole of our life experiences.

Dismantled Vicious Cycle