Back pain sex is a topic that affects more than just the back pain patient. It affects their partner/partners, as well. Anyone that has any type of back pain will tell you that the condition definitely affects their sex life.
This is especially true for those suffering from chronic lower back pain. Sometimes it is a physical restriction and other times it is the pervasive fear of injury that causes the problem.
Whatever the reason, I hope to show you that a good sex life is possible, even when suffering with a bad back.
The muscles used during sex are often the same tissues that are affected by back pain. If the actual sexual muscles are not affected, then the muscles that are used to get into positions, and move about, most likely are. This can be very detrimental to a person’s sex life. Back pain sex will be a challenge for you, regardless of the condition causing your pain.
Muscle pain during sex will really spoil the mood. Sometimes, a person’s back ache is so severe that the mere thought of sex will bring on waves of pain. The combination of flexibility and muscle use needed to perform is just beyond the capability of some suffering patients.
Nerve involvement can also contribute to negative sexual symptoms. If there is a lower back condition, a man might not be physically able to perform. A man or woman might lose sensation. A woman might have a difficult time becoming aroused. Sexual symptoms due to nerve compression can be devastating.
It is crucial that the patient receive emotional support from their partner during this time of crisis. The patient will feel guilty and frustrated. They might even lash out in anger at their partner. It is so important that good communication exists during this time.
Try to talk about the problem, rather than fight about it.
The worse thing to do is to ignore it and not talk at all. That is the beginning of the end for any relationship.
Reassurance is the key. The condition will most likely be temporary, so usually it is just a matter of time till things are set right again. Communicate and let your partner know that you will be patient. Let them know that you look forward to being with them once again. Thank them for their understanding.
Doctors and therapists make it part of their diagnostic procedure to inform the patient about many symptoms and expectations of a dorsopathy condition. Unfortunately, many do not ever mention sex. Maybe it is our conservative heritage and the uncomfortable feeling most people get talking about it.
Whatever the reason, sex is always affected by serious back symptoms and the topic should be openly discussed.
Some back pain conditions are minor but seem to flare up more during sex. Much of the time, this is an excellent indicator of a psychological cause for the pain. Any pain that comes on during times of relaxation and pleasure has a greater chance of being caused by psychological issues.
The problem could stem from a history of abuse, body image issues, relationship problems or a combination. Whatever the reason, many doctors recommend knowledge therapy to help end the back pain and psychotherapy to come to terms with the causative emotional issues.
There is no shame in seeking psychological help for any problem. It is no different than going to the doctor for an injury to your body. A person's mind can become sick or injured even easier than their body.
It is always preferred to get help publicly, than to suffer privately.
I have had some experience with back pain sex. I don’t mind talking about it, since I am here to help. I luckily never had a performance problem in my decades of suffering with chronic lumbar back pain.
I did, however, have plenty of times when the act of making love was beyond my actual physical abilities at the time. This was always stressful, both to me, as well as my partner.
Luckily, we talked it through and kept the lines of communication open.
We spent the time to experiment with different positions and activities that were more “back pain friendly”. We both learned a lot. If it was not for the pain, it actually might have been fun.
Orgasms were particularly frightening, since they created that familiar muscle contraction that so closely resembles a back pain spasm. If an orgasm is the positive side of muscle spasm, then the pain is it’s devilish twin brother. Anyone that has had acute muscle spasms in their lower back will tell you how they are alike, yet opposite. The very real fear of an orgasm bringing on a muscle spasm is enough to make a person stop right in the middle of the lovemaking act.
One thing is certain, anyone that has experienced this kind of pain will do anything to never experience it again.
So here are my suggestions…
Take your time. If you are recovering from a back injury, go easy. Take things slow. Experiment, but be careful. Try activities that will not put stress on your painful areas. Be open minded and feel free to try something new. That feeling of “newness” will help you to overcome the feeling of being “less than before”.
The most important thing is not to think that you are permanently affected. Have faith that you will be well again. Keep trying to carefully test what you can do. Do not get frustrated.
Sex is a beautiful part of a full life.
It is an important part of a healthy relationship.
You will find that you can have a great sex life, even with horrible back ache. After all, back pain sex is better than back pain without sex.